December 2011
4 posts
LOVE AND LIFE
Whenever I get into a conversation about relationships with friends I’ll throw around the time frame of four years. It’s not the number of years I’ve been single nor the number of years I’ve been in a relationship. It’s the number of years I’ve been actively in the world of love and heart break and jealousy and hurt and obsession and co dependence. It’s...
November 2011
2 posts
October 2011
1 post
SORT OF
Baby you’ve got the sort of hands to rip me apart
Baby you’ve got the sort of face to start this old heart
But your eyes are warning me, this early morning, that my love’s too big for you my love
Baby you’ve got the sort of laugh that waters me and makes me grow tall and strong and proud and flattens me
I find you stunning but you are running me down. My love’s...
September 2011
1 post
FOOL.
Over a year after I last saw Eddie I can’t possibly still be hung up on him, right? Right. And yet I choose to compare everyone I meet to him. Eddie was a drunk old mess. And yet he’s the one person I can say without doubt I’ve been in love with. And so over a year after last seeing him here I am. There have been no other serious or even casual relationships. Daniel and I started...
August 2011
1 post
SLEEPING ALONE
I miss your soft lips, I miss your white sheets. I miss the scratch of your unshaven face on my cheek. And this is so hard ‘cause I didn’t see, That you were the love of my life and it kills me. I see your face in strangers on the street. I still say your name when I’m talking in sleep. And in the lime light, I play it off fine. But I can’t handle it when I turn off...
June 2011
1 post
UP UP AND AWAY
Why is everyone leaving me?
Maybe it fits too perfectly into some psychological theory but I have an explanation for the way things have been going lately. You see, when I moved at the young age of eight from Sidcup, Kent, England to the great state of Texas it was not a smooth move. It was, in fact, a very difficult move. I cried and I whined. I missed my friends and I had a horrible time...
April 2011
2 posts
THREE SONGS
That changed my life last year when I was going through a… rough time.
March 2011
2 posts
OH, LYRICS
You’ve been on my mind I grow fonder every day, lose myself in time just thinking of your face God only knows why it’s taken me so long to let my doubts go You’re the only one that I want Have I been on your mind? You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time At the mention of my name, will I ever know How it feels to hold you close And have you tell me which ever...
PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH
“So about Marcelo?… What can I say? I feel like I can only say all the things we’ve been saying to each other for years. Relationships are obviously all different but in so many ways they’re all the same. We have to give people chances and we have to give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s like you said to me: lower your guard because otherwise you’ll never...
February 2011
1 post
STOP AND HURRY UP
I can’t imagine how many times I’ve stated in my life that I hate being in limbo. Be it in relationships, jobs or school. I hate not knowing. The truth is one cannot always know. And sometimes it’s even better to not know. But it’s something I’m still coming to terms with and quite frankly it’s a struggle. As I sit around day in, day out unemployed and waiting I...
January 2011
3 posts
A DIATRIBE ON LONG HAIR
Cons:
1. I love wind. I love driving with my windows down. My hair does not appreciate this.
2. When I have my hair down and I put a heavy bag on my shoulder and my hair gets caught under the handles… enough said.
3. When a piece of hair has fallen out onto your clothes and brushes lightly up against your arm - you can’t see it but you know it’s there. Impossible to find;...
“This guy’s walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are...”
– The West Wing
WHY OH WHY
As if things weren’t… There are so many options. Every where and every day. From what to eat to what to wear to what to do. Am I happy that I no longer live in a world where my only options for a job are teacher and secretary? Of course. Was choosing a profession simpler back then? Of course. And now? Well… I can pay and study my ass off to become a certified sommelier....
December 2010
7 posts
PERFECTION
A while back I posted the lyrics to Dolly Parton’s (made famous by Whitney Houston) “I Will Always Love You” because it was a song I had heard hundreds of times but had never truly listened to its lyrics or understood its meaning. And wow, what I had always assumed was a happy love song is really a heartbreaking tale of painful sacrifice.
Well, here are the lyrics to another...
2010
Got out of an unhealthy romantic relationship
Graduated from undergraduate university
Began my studies toward becoming a sommelier
Met a lot of great people
Made three new, close friends
Traveled to NYC for the first time
Got fired from a job for the first time
Fell in love with yoga
Traveled to Rio de Janeiro to visit a lifelong friend
Developed an even closer relationship with my...
WHO AM I?
My life as I know it has been turned upside down. I have made two cookie recipes in the past two days in preparation for my Christmas cookie giving extravaganza… and I haven’t liked either finished product.
What’s happening to me?
HOLIDAY SEASON
This time last year I was… in a much better and much worse place than I am now. I was filled with false hope and excitement and young love’s blind happiness. Ignorance was the purest and most incredible bliss. It wasn’t even really ignorance, not yet at least. The ignorance began in early January. Or insanity, maybe. They say insanity is doing the same thing over again but...
EAT PRAY LOVE, THE LAST TIME
‘I don’t think I’m ready for it,’ I told him. ‘I don’t feel like going through all the effort of romance again, you know? I don’t feel like having to shave my legs every day or having to show my body to a new lover. And I don’t want to have to tell my life story all over again, or worry about birth control. Anyway, I’m not even sure I know how...
MODERATION
My sister brought something to my attention this past weekend. As we were talking about me and my penchant for friendships with somewhat complicated people she mentioned my extremist attitude toward myself. She commented that I either think I’m the best or the worst. There is no middle. I’m either too easy or too hard on myself.
Today after my second day of intense study sessions I...
STUDYING (AND UNEMPLOYMENT)
So I’ve been in Houston now for almost a full week and it’s been incredibly… nice. Thanksgiving was the usual craziness and the weekend following was the usual family bonding/shopping/movie watching. But the holiday has since passed and my sister has gone back to her normal routine in Austin and my mother and father have gone back to their normal routines at work. And I’m...
November 2010
5 posts
CO-DEPENDENCE AND TIMING
Today I expound upon two (unrelated?) issues: one which takes up most of my relationship anxiety and one which cements my belief in fate.
First, co-dependence. I’ve been noticing lately that I have a nagging fear. This fear is deep seated and has only recently shown it’s ugly little head. What’s funny is Amanda has always talked about how Ferner fucked me up in this way and that...
LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME WE ARE REALLY...
So last night was an interesting night. Out with friends and for the first time ever I got separated from my friends and found myself phoneless and alone and at a loss for what to do. I waited and waited and waited outside the last bar I had seen them and when they didn’t show I figured the best thing to do would be to walk to the car. So I walked, praying the car would still be there,...
UNEMPLOYMENT AND WTF AM I DOING WITH MY TIME
It’s the most unbelievable thing to me that after a week of being unemployed time has just rushed by with absolutely no concern for my stress or my nerves. And I’ve finally decided that it is a fact of my life that the busier I am the more productive I am. It’s kind of like when people refer to something as being a first world problem or a rich person’s problem - the...
She had wet hair Say what you will I don’t care I couldn’t resist it These girls are raw Bikini girl We need a ride to Bikini Island We run the gauntlet Let’s get to France So we can French kiss some French girls
Japanadroids Wet Hair
October 2010
6 posts
MORE FROM EPL
“That’s the thing about a human life-there’s no control group, no way to ever know how any of us would have turned out if any variables had been changed.”
Before I share some more of my favorite quotes from the book and before I share some thoughts regarding an interesting question a friend of mine posed yesterday, I’d like to explain why I’m reading this book....
“My mind forgets to remind me you’re a bad idea.”
– Taylor Swift - Speak Now
DEAR ________.
Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you.
I lived in your chess game but you changed the rules everyday. Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone tonight. I see it all now that you’re gone. Don’t you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress cried the whole way home. I should’ve known.
Well maybe it’s me and my blind...
FIRST OF MANY
“I pictured the harbor of my mind-a little beat-up, perhaps, a little storm-worn, but well situated and with a nice depth. The harbor of my mind is an open bay, the only access to the island of my Self (which is a young and volcanic island, yes, but fertile and promising). This island has been through some wars, it is true, but it is now committed to peace, under a new leader (me) who...
SPEAK NOW
Taylor Swift’s new album “Speak Now” comes out on Monday and I’m really excited because I love her lyrics so so much! But I read a review of the album in which the journalist went through and broke down each song and described what it’s about and I can’t help but wonder… between this and the lyrics on her previous albums either she’s been through A...
SLOW DAY
Hormones; Being slightly hungover and therefore relegated to bed until I feel better enough to go out into the world; The memory of things that were or should have been; Loneliness; The cold side of the bed; Answering the question, “Are you dating anyone?”; Friends in love.
What do these things have in common? I blame all of them for making me melancholy or morose or for dwelling on...
September 2010
3 posts
i carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling) i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always...
FOOD-WEIGHT-OBSESSION
I was raised in a very level headed, loving, supportive, normal family. When it came to food my parents raised us with an appreciation for the better things in life. They taught us through their own eating habits that everything is okay in moderation. Never did they criticize our weight or make us feel self conscious. They did nothing but give us all the self esteem and self confidence in the...
July 2010
7 posts
Want Me Again
dearoldlove:
Could you please just want me again so I can get over you?
CONSUMERISM - A SNAP SHOT OF MY LIFE
My most recent receipts -
The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf
The Tavern
The Tavern
Uncorked
Whole Foods
Fado Irish Pub
Alamo Drafthouse
Uncorked
What do you learn about me from this? I drink and eat a lot, apparently.
What do you do when you know something’s bad for you and you still can’t let go? I was naïve; your love was like candy, artificially sweet, I was deceived by the wrapping. I’m about to break; I can’t stop this ache I’m addicted to your allure and I’m feigning for a cure Every step I take leads to one mistake; I keep going right back to the one thing that I...
Too many times I have wondered what all the trying is for. You come around, I feel so down; I’m gonna drown because I know that you’ve fallen short. And too many times I have wanted to turn around and walk away, knowing deep inside you can’t provide what I need from you anyway.
I tell you that I want to go but I want to stay. But I know I’m gonna lose myself this way.
...
MAY I JUST SAY...
Give me one reason to stay here and I’ll turn right back around Because I don’t want to leave you lonely But you got to make me change my mind Baby I got your number and I know that you got mine But you know that I called you, I called too many times You can call me, baby, you can call me anytime But you got to call me This youthful heart can love you and give you what you need ...
I DON'T KNOW
Hello there. It’s been a while hasn’t it? I’ve been posting a lot of lyrics and unpersonalized things lately. Well, they’re personal to me. The song lyrics, the quotes - they mean something to me. I’m just trying to be stealth about it, which many people will say is an impossible feat for me to accomplish.
I realized yesterday that I have a frustrating push and pull...
DON'T COME BACK
No I can’t take one more step towards you ‘cause all that’s waiting is regret And don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore You lost the love I loved the most I hear you’re asking all around if I am anywhere to be found But I have grown too strong to ever fall back in your arms I learned to live half alive and now you want me one more time And it took so...
June 2010
12 posts
OBSESSED (WITH THIS SONG)
I wanna have you ‘cause you’re all I’ve got Don’t wanna lose you ‘cause it means a lot All the joy this world can bring doesn’t give me anything when you’re not here … Idiot me, stupid fool How could you be so uncool to fall in love with someone who doesn’t really care for you? It’s so obscure… God, it makes me be so blue...
WALK AWAY
“If I do one thing and say something contradictory – go with my actions – that will always tell you what’s in my heart.”
I guess I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
Lady Antebellum - Need You Now